I Have Had a Dream, Past the Wit of Man to Say What Dream it Was

I just woke up from a dream that I have to write down. Most of my dreams are strange, I never outgrew the imagination phase of childhood. I frequently am a pirate, or I am a witch excavating the ruins of an alien city, or recently a dinosaur farmer. For those who are unfamiliar with dinosaur farming, it’s like owning a ranch, but with gigantic lizard-like beasts instead of cows.

Today’s dream is brought to you by Al Pacino. I’m dreaming I’m in the mafia. My mafia dreams are more like the Jets vs. the Sharks than the Sopranos, by the way. I have to kill these two guys who are going to try to kill me once they realize how important I am in the family. I’m injecting poison into some ravioli to serve them when they come in for dinner at my restaurant.

Now here’s where it gets weird. On my side is a young Ron Howard from Happy Days. He is dressed like the Man in Black from the Princess Bride. Both of these things do not seem abnormal to my sleeping self. Ron tells me he will serve the bad guys the poison ravioli. I tell him no, it’s too dangerous, but courageous Ron does not know the meaning of danger.

Ron Howard in full pirate attire leaves the kitchen with the ravioli and goes to the table where the bad guys are sitting. But no! Something about the situation must have tipped these cunning gangsters off because they pull out their guns! Ron starts to run, but he gets shot in the back. I will avenge you, Ron! I come running out of the kitchen, firing both my guns (which have magically appeared in my hands) and start shooting at the bad guys.

Let it be noted that I am a pacifist, and although I have used magic, my ninja skills, and a shovel to kill bad guys and zombies in my dreams, I NEVER use guns. It is unusual for me to dream about guns, which is I think why after firing all my bullets I didn’t hit anything. The bad guys and myself looked at each other for a second, pondering our next move, and then my alarm went off and I woke up.

Now I need to make myself lunch. When I return with the next installment, I will tell the cyber-verse about my dream where Dave Coulier with green eyeshadow and a faux-hawk is a Terminator sent to destroy me. I don’t know why.



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